That has become a fantasy and I really need to just get rid of it and find it a good home.

I have installed tri-clamp fittings and a butterfly valve at the base with a yeast catcher that is all stainless steel. I also installed myself a racking port.
It's setup very similar to this:

except my racking port is a ball valve and not tri-clamp there as well. The lid seals well after I used some food safe silicon sealant and some weatherstripping. I've used it twice and used a CIP spray ball to clean it.
All in I was around $350+ with shipping and all the tri-clamp fun.
I've be comfortable selling it to someone in the club for $180 for basically new stuff. Let me know.